SweatyShe Monday: Ode to Wandering Nipple Tape

Wandering Nipple Tape

By: Susan Farago

There once was a man named Leary
Who was a runner quite cheery
His nipples he did tape
To prevent the almighty chafe
But finding tape everywhere was quite a query

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I dedicate this ode to my husband, Leary. He is a very precautious athlete, carefully applying body glide so he won't rub in the wrong places, wearing toe socks for extra comfort, and he also tapes his nipples to prevent chafing from his shirt when he runs. I can understand this last measure of protection as there is NOTHING worse than seeing a guy running with two wet red spots soaked through his shirt. OUCH!

But what I CANNOT figure out for the life of me is how Leary's nipple tape ends up everywhere else after he's used it. I'm not exaggerating here. I've found pieces of tape on the inside edge of my sock drawer, stuck to the center console in the car, on our bedspread, on the entryway floor, in a milk glass in the kitchen sink, and adhered to my swim goggles hanging in the bathroom shower. But the latest place took the cake. I opened the pantry door to get a gel flask before a run and lo and behold, there it was. That little white fuzzy piece of tape staring back at me while stuck to the flask itself.

I finally confronted Leary about his crazy, wandering nipple tape and he instantly blushed red. (Those of you who know Leary can imagine his embarrassment despite the fact that we've been married for over 20 years.) I'm not mad. I'm just amazed! It's like an ongoing game of "Where's Waldo" and I never know where or when a piece of nipple tape is going to appear out of nowhere and say SURPRISE! I can only imagine how many rogue pieces are hiding in the house as we speak. Maybe I should go check the cat just to be sure.

I would much rather deal with rogue nipple tape than have Leary suffer the consequence of bloody nipples. But if this continues, maybe I can persuade him to wear a bra instead? Yeah, probably not.

Go.Do.Be.


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Need a way to jump start your week? SweatyShe Mondays are thoughts and humorous musings from the world of active Shes.